Friday, November 16, 2012

Flying the Friendly Skies

And now for something completely different:

So I finally arrived in Tunis this afternoon after a grueling day and a half of travel.  One of the benefits of traveling is the fascinating people you meet and observe.  While there may be a selection bias associated with  interesting people being inclined to travel more than dullards, the main impact is psychological.  Because the traveler is removed from his normal routine and environment, he is more receptive to personal interaction and more likely to attribute greater importance to those conversations.  I'll share some examples from the last day.

On my flight from Raleigh to Newark, I sat next to a flight attendant that was catching a free ride in the jump seat back to work.  He asked where I was going and the conversation turned to places we had visited.  An obvious perquisite of his profession that I overlooked was how much free travel is available.  This man had been across the Middle East, including the less frequented countries of Saudi Arabia and Sudan.  He also regularly did back-to-back flights between Shanghai and New Jersey.  I have been looking for jobs that will give me the opportunity to travel, and I missed the one that does it exclusively.  Quick poll - how do you feel about me serving microwave dinners on an airplane while wearing a monogrammed sweater vest?

Hey Girl, if you sign up today for the Delta Frequent Flyer Mastercard,
 I'll throw in a free pass to the Mile High Club!

The trans-Atlantic haul from Newark to Frankfurt was also very colorful.  The Hindu/Jain/Sikh holiday of Diwali, which I heard described on the local news before I left North Carolina as 'Indian Christmas,' is in full swing and I guess that means seasonal travel for a lot of people of Indian Subcontinent descent.  I'll skip the well worn stereotypes (please refer to Russell Peters for further reading) and point out ahead of time that this is only one example out of a myriad of cases that break the mold.  Yes mom, I know that admitting you're a bigot doesn't mitigate the fact that you are one, but this is a funny story.

When it came time for dinner, I learned that out of consideration for a large demographic of the passengers, Hindu meals had been made available.  The catch was, you had to have ordered them 72 hours in advance from the airline and pay an additional $50 fee.  Considering how thrifty and discerning some guests were, this was bound to lead to disaster in the face of limited supply.  To make it worse, as the 6-foot-tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed attendant made it to the back of the plane where I was sitting, she announced that they were out of chicken and vegetarian meals.  There was, fortunately, plenty of pasta with (beef) meatballs left.  What followed was an epic clash between the German fanatical dedication to rule following and efficiency and the Indian belief that everything is negotiable.  There was no compromise forthcoming from either side as it was made clear that this was, in fact, a proxy battle over which Aryan race was superior.  After producing the master list of pre-ordered food and threatening the enforcement of post-9/11 FAA rules, the flight attendant got her way and the lady in the seat in front of me got a side salad.  Say what you want about the tenets of national socialism, but at least it is an ethos.

The last leg of the trip from Frankfurt to Tunis was uneventful and pleasant   I like flying Lufthansa for two reasons.  First, once part of your trip does not included a U.S. airport, the wine and beer become complimentary.  There is a lot to be said for drinking your second glass of free red wine while eating a delicious cookie/coconut/German chocolate desert (the rest of the meal was actually pretty awful). The view from the window seat as we flew low over Swiss Alps and Mediterranean islands wasn't bad either.

The second boon in patronizing the Luftwaffe is that the attendants talk to me in German.  Since everything said on the plane is scripted, I can just nod and give an assenting grunt to any questions asked without exposing my utter lack of German language skills.  Once I have successfully created my new persona (I call him Herr Lars-Thorsten), I can sit back and eavesdrop on the conversations of my oblivious American seat mates and scoff quietly at how quaint and provincial they are.  As this is happening, I imagine them wondering how sexy my accent sounds and wishing they were as exotic and interesting as I.  It is a little-known fact that Europeans in general are a happier people because they get to do this all the time.

Once I have my first sleep in 48 hours, I'll return more seriously to the task at hand.  I have already taken a stroll around my new digs and noticed some interesting similarities and differences between Tunisia and the other Arab countries I have visited.

Until next time, "Auf Wiedersehen, meine Freunde!"        
     

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